Trust is Earned: 8 Steps To Building Trust!

Relationships can be intimidating. Often, people are afraid of getting hurt, so they hesitate to let down their guard. However, trust is essential to any healthy relationship, and it’s something that’s built over time. As people feel safe, they begin to open up, and trust is earned. This is the foundation for personal growth, acceptance of constructive feedback, and overall relationship development.

Building trust starts with understanding others instead of focusing on their flaws. Often, negative behavior stems from unresolved past experiences—traumas like growing up in controlling environments or facing emotional challenges. By understanding how someone else sees the world, you can create a safer space for open communication and a stronger relationship.

By allowing vulnerability and showing empathy, you can create an environment that encourages deeper connections, making it easier for both people to trust each other. Trust grows when each individual feels heard, valued, and understood.

How To Earn Trust in Relationships

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. It’s built through consistency, understanding, and vulnerability, allowing both individuals to feel safe and supported in their connection. Here are 8 steps to help you develop trust with those you love:

1. Respect your loved ones’ opinions and perspectives.

Relationships aren’t about being right or wrong—it’s about two unique people with different viewpoints. Instead of focusing on winning an argument, listen deeply to your loved one’s thoughts and feelings. Try to understand their perspective without the need to change it. When it’s your turn to share, aim for them to understand you—not necessarily agree with you. This approach can create common ground and mutual respect.

Related Article: How to Stop Thinking Negatively About Your Loved Ones 

2. Listen to your loved one before expressing yourself.

Take time to truly listen to what your loved one is saying, not just the words but the emotions behind them. Ask questions and refrain from correcting or defending yourself immediately. Everyone has their own way of seeing the world, and that’s perfectly okay. Show that you’re there for them, even if you don’t agree with everything they say. Acknowledge their feelings, highlight the positives, and offer encouragement.

3. Look at the heart not the behavior.  

Instead of focusing on someone’s actions or the “facts” of the situation, try to understand the why behind their behavior. People’s actions often stem from deeper emotions or past experiences. Instead of criticizing what someone did, ask yourself what hurt or unmet need may have driven their actions. Ask questions to uncover the root cause and show compassion for their feelings and struggles.

4. Choose your battles wisely.

Not every small offense needs to be addressed. Evaluate the situation and focus on the why behind your reaction. Is it worth addressing, or is it a passing frustration? Sometimes, it’s better to let minor annoyances slide. However, if a behavior is recurring and starts to affect the relationship, it may be time for a conversation. Rather than just focusing on the facts or actions, consider why the behavior bothers you and whether it’s something that can be worked through. If you find yourself consistently frustrated, consider seeking guidance from a mentor or therapist to understand the deeper whybehind your feelings.

5. Be Honest

Honesty, even when it’s difficult, builds trust. When you speak the truth, especially during tough moments, it shows your loved one that they can rely on you, even when their emotions cloud their judgment. Honesty creates a foundation of transparency, making it easier for others to trust you, knowing that you will always speak from a place of truth and care, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be.

Related Article: 7 Reasons For Lack Of Communication In Relationships!

6. Be Vulnerable.

Honesty is important, but it’s not the same as vulnerability. Honesty means sharing the truth, like saying, “I’m feeling hurt because you forgot about our plans for the 10th time.” While this is truthful, it may make the other person feel guilty or attacked.

Choose to share the fear, the why, and the deeper emotions behind an event when expressing your feelings. Bottling up emotions leads to bitterness and prevents others from truly knowing you. It’s not about being right or wrong, but about building a bridge of understanding. Open up, share your emotions, and allow others to see you for who you truly are.

Vulnerability goes beyond the facts and shares the deeper emotions behind them. It’s about opening up about your fears, insecurities, or struggles. For example, “I feel really hurt and disappointed because when you forgot our plans, it made me feel unimportant. It’s hard for me to say this, but I value our friendship and was looking forward to spending time together.” This approach builds a deeper connection by showing your authentic self and fostering trust.

7. Hold Them Accountable (Boundaries if Necessary)

Healthy relationships require accountability. Just as children need structure to correct their behavior and grow, adults need it too. Hold your loved ones accountable in a loving way. Setting boundaries when necessary helps maintain respect and understanding. People in real relationships will recognize that this accountability is for their growth and will appreciate it in the long run, even if it feels challenging at first. Boundaries are not about control but about creating a healthy space where both individuals can thrive and evolve.

8. Mimic the Love Of Christ.

Jesus’ love is a model for how we should love others—creating a safe space for growth without forcing people to change. He didn’t demand that the disciples immediately believe He was the Son of God; instead, He loved them through His actions, demonstrating His truth with miracles and signs. Jesus’ love was patient, understanding, and unconditional. Even when people questioned Him, He didn’t get angry—He continued to show love and humility.

Think of Christ’s vulnerability: He knew we were flawed and didn’t demand that we change to earn His love. He understood our struggles and came to show us how to overcome them. His love didn’t force us to accept His way, but gently guided us toward it.

This is the love we are called to—one that doesn’t impose, but gives others the freedom to grow, knowing we are on their side, regardless of being “right” or “wrong.” (Philippians 2:3-11)

Frequently Asked Questions 

• Why is Trust So Hard to Build?

Trust doesn’t come easily, especially if someone has been hurt before. For example, if someone has experienced controlling behavior from their parents, they may perceive your intentions as bossy or become defensive. When you’re working to build trust, it’s essential to recognize that not everyone has the same background or upbringing. While you may have had a happy and stable childhood, others might have faced abuse or neglect, and these experiences shape their view of the world.

• How Do I Communicate Effectively to Build Trust?

Effective communication is the key to building trust. In tense moments, your main goal should be to listen deeply—both to what is said and what remains unsaid. Understand the person’s life stressors and how their past experiences shape their responses. Ask thoughtful questions to gain clarity, and avoid the temptation to immediately correct or defend yourself. Once you fully understand their perspective, you can then share your thoughts. However, it’s important not to overwhelm them by unloading too much emotion in one conversation.

• What If the Other Person Doesn’t Listen?

It can be difficult when someone doesn’t seem to listen or doesn’t change after your efforts. But the reality is, we can only do our best to communicate, and people won’t always change. If conversations are unproductive or the person continues to react defensively, it might be time to set boundaries. Setting limits isn’t about shutting someone out completely, but about protecting your emotional well-being while maintaining the relationship.

• Why Are Boundaries Important in Relationships?

Boundaries are essential because they protect you from feeling overwhelmed or abused. Healthy boundaries help you create a space where both people can grow and communicate respectfully. They aren’t about pushing someone away but about fostering an environment where each person feels safe and understood. If you’re in a relationship where someone refuses to respect your boundaries, it might be time to evaluate whether the relationship is still healthy.

• How Do I Create a Safe Space?

To create a safe space, give real love—love that doesn’t judge or run away during tough times. Your undertone should always convey: “I don’t want to fight, but I want to fix the relationship so it can get better!” Leave the boxing gloves at the gym. Help others be vulnerable and humble by providing a safe space for them to open up. When you practice vulnerability and humility, it teaches others how to do the same. Being open and non-judgmental shows that you care, and it creates an environment where everyone feels accepted and free to express themselves without fear of criticism.