5 Steps to Heal Betrayal Trauma Triggers
A betrayal trauma trigger happens when a memory, situation, feeling, a person’s behavior, conversations, movie, or dream reminds you of pain.
A betrayal is deeply painful and traumatizing because someone you least expected hurt you. The emotions that you experience after a betrayal is the “trauma”. The trauma usually causes us to become distrustful, paranoid, fearful, and overly cautious to prevent pain.
What are betrayal trauma triggers?
Betrayal trauma triggers occur when you’re reminded of a past betrayal through a similar situation, feeling, memory, behavior, conversation, or even a dream. These triggers can cause your body to react with fight, flight, or freeze responses.
Without proper healing, these triggers can lead to unhealthy, fearful, or harmful emotional reactions. Healing the underlying pain is essential to overcoming these triggers and breaking free from the cycle of trauma.
Betrayal trauma can make you feel powerless, as if your voice doesn’t matter, often leading to a victim mentality. Healing your fear of powerlessness will help reduce or eliminate these triggers, allowing you to regain control and create healthier boundaries.
10 Betrayal Trauma Triggers
These combined triggers capture the core experiences that can stir up past betrayal trauma, causing emotional distress and flashbacks.
- Dreams of Betrayal – Dreaming of being lied to, abandoned, or betrayed resurfaces past trauma.
- Hearing About Infidelity or Lies – Hearing about cheating or dishonesty triggers memories of your own betrayal.
- Broken Promises & Rejection – When promises are broken or you’re rejected, it brings up past abandonment or letdowns.
- Gossip or Manipulation – Hearing gossip or experiencing manipulation (gaslighting, emotional manipulation) reminds you of being deceived.
- Exclusion or Ignoring Feelings – Being left out or having your feelings dismissed triggers memories of neglect or emotional abandonment.
- Witnessing Injustice – Seeing unfair treatment or mistreatment brings up past feelings of betrayal.
- Reliving Past Arguments – Arguments that mirror past betrayals reopen emotional wounds from unresolved conflicts.
- Watching Betrayal in Media – TV shows, movies, or real-life events about betrayal trigger flashbacks to your own experiences.
- Crossed Boundaries & Being Used – When your boundaries are ignored or you’re used for someone’s gain, it brings back past violations or exploitation.
- Unacknowledged Wrongdoing – When someone doesn’t apologize or make amends, it reminds you of unresolved betrayals.
How to Heal After Betrayal Trauma
Recovering after betrayal is HARD work. Here are steps to heal during the 5 Stages of Betrayal Trauma!
1. Release false responsibility and forgive yourself.
Acknowledge Your Efforts – You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You are not to blame for the betrayal. Release the false burden of responsibility. Stop replaying alternative scenarios in your mind.
Practice Self-Compassion – Be gentle with yourself. Self-blame only prolongs the healing process and keeps you stuck in guilt. You have the right to feel hurt, but you also have the right to heal.
2. Forgive the person that hurt you.
Forgiveness Isn’t Condoning – Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone their actions or forget the harm done. It means you’re releasing the emotional grip that the betrayal has on you.
Forgiveness Sets You Free – You are choosing to let go of the pain and anger. You’re doing it for your peace, not for them. Freeing yourself from the emotional baggage will help you reclaim your life.
3. Allow yourself time and space to grieve.
Understand the Layers of Healing – Healing is not linear. Triggering doesn’t mean that you’re stuck or going backwards. Like peeling an onion, you may feel like you’re going backward, but you’re just uncovering deeper layers of pain. Trust the process.
Grief Has No Timeline – There’s no “right” amount of time for grieving. It’s different for everyone. Allow yourself to feel all emotions without judgment, and be kind to yourself during the tough days.
Explore affirmations and contemplative journaling – Use affirmations to reframe negative thoughts and shift your mindset. Journaling helps you process emotions and reconnect with your inner strength.
Journal Prompts for Healing:
- Trauma-Informed Journaling Prompts
- Journal Prompts for Correcting The Story
- Journal Prompts for Getting Closure
- Emotional Healing Prompts for Toxic Relationships
- Prompts to Find Inner Power And Peace
- Journal Prompts to Find Your Authentic Self
4. Don’t develop walls.
Healthy Boundaries vs. Walls – After a betrayal, it’s easy to want to shut yourself off from others. However, this can prevent you from experiencing healthy, meaningful connections. Instead, work on building strong boundaries without closing yourself off entirely.
Healing From the Inside – Let your heart heal so you can remain open to love, trust, and new connections in the future. Remember: healing doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, but that you allow yourself to grow beyond the betrayal.
5. Get support.
Healing isn’t a solo journey. Seek therapy, empowerment coaching, or a support group to help you navigate the emotional complexities of betrayal. Lean on trusted friends or loved ones for validation, and remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
6. Rebuild Trust and Celebrate Your Healing
As you heal, begin by rebuilding trust with yourself. Trust that you are capable of making wise decisions and protecting your well-being. Gradually rebuild trust with others who’ve earned it, taking small steps. Along the way, celebrate your progress—acknowledge the strength and resilience you’ve shown, and recognize every small victory. Healing takes time, and each step forward is something to be proud of as you reclaim your peace and embrace the new version of yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 Stages of Betrayal Trauma?
- Shock: When you first discover the betrayal its horrifying and shocking.
- Denial: Many people find every logical pathway to make the situation less real and painful.
- Anger: You may at this point you maybe fighting off bitterness, vengeance, un-forgiveness, and a victim’s mentality.
- Grief: To truly grieve you must explore the situation, forgive all parties necessary, and relinquish yourself of self-hate.
- Healing: The betrayal ripped you apart, but you can now build yourself back into a more powerful version of yourself.
Read more: 5 Stages of Betrayal Trauma
How to get over betrayal in a relationship?
Dealing with feelings of betrayal is a hard process and you shouldn’t do it alone. To truly overcome the pain of the betrayal it is vital that you explore different people that can help you move through the stages of betrayal easily.
After experiencing betrayal trauma many people become defeated, depressed, lack a true passionate for life, and grow to be distrustful of ever having a beautiful relationships. Don’t let the painful situation convince you that there isn’t an amazing person waiting to meet you!
How do I cope with betrayal of a friend?
When a friend betrays you, it is painful because you thought highly of them. You allowed them access into the personal areas of your life. To cope with the betrayal of a friend it’s important to lean on a support system, seek therapy, and empowerment coaching to ensure that the pain doesn’t destroy you. Coaching and therapy is important to learn healthy strategies to ensure you avoid friends that are manipulative, deceitful, and inconsiderate of your feelings.
How to deal with betrayal in your family?
Dealing with the aftermath of betrayal by a family member can be one of the most painful experiences. It leaves so many of us wandering the depth and cause of the deceit. Either way, you are allowed to distance yourself from family members that are unhealthy.
Whatever the source of your pain, to heal it’s important to lean on a support system, seek therapy, and empowerment coaching to ensure that the pain doesn’t destroy you. Coaching and therapy is important to learn healthy strategies to ensure you avoid family members that are manipulative, deceitful, and inconsiderate of your feelings.
